• moldypillow

the endless chapter


i'm closing my eyes trying to sense the arbitrary confusion spinning within my thoughts. skin presses unknown territory so incredibly naïve and not as polished. it's in the nature of how this chapter resembles similar feelings in the past. i've been here before. questioning the countless aspects twiddling fingers in circles as thoughts counter the motion. it is truly amazing how a single deviation from the initial plan can challenge every ounce of your will, just in a drop of an eyelash.

sunlight sits on folds of fabric and another day consumes the distraction. forceful interjections shoot up my spine as i am reminded that human beings refuse to converge thoughts with another life form. if we were able to read each other’s mind, i feel as if this process would be very different. in reading minds, i am not generalizing the cliché. i am fully aware that this action is virtually rare, but i am convinced that it is plausible. the knot on the left shoulder throbs in pain as i continue exploring this notion.

there exists a sliver of space where nonsense starts to make sense. “reading” calls for the effort of both parties; once one closes the blinds, the other is unable to locate the hiding spot. as you can imagine, this is frustrating. your blinds are weathered from previous relations however, they still function accordingly. you decide to twist the string inches inward so that you can see if they see.. see you and everything you’ve invited them to see. you are lead to believe that this subtle gesture can clue the other to do the same. truth is…they don’t. they rather stare into the horizon ignoring your indication. they hide behind their blinds and therefore become blind to your extensions.

why do we hide in the first place? why are people so predisposed to not vocalizing their feelings/thoughts? then they wonder why the other person cannot understand where they’re coming from… well, it’s because you said perhaps three sentences at the end of the experience and even that didn’t really engage any conversation. between the hums and sighs, there seems to be much more occurring in that mind. so you simply lean on any feasible format and search for a meaning. by this time, you’ve devoted so much time and energy trying to locate the reason for a lack of vocalization and whether this endeavor, in itself, may pose as the main reason why you are slowly fading back into your own head, alternatively behind your weathered blinds. science can even equate this as counterproductive to human interaction.

one can argue that there needs to be a balance between the public and private. where an individual is allotted a certain measurement of inner thoughts and reflection. i couldn’t agree more. these inner thoughts promote a sense of mystery and mystery is healthy for us to exist. it is here that i feel individuals take this as their birth right and use it to shy away from a potential connection. upon converging thoughts with another, an individual must relay some information to their prospect. not everything, just enough to capture the engagement. read the mind via insightful dialogue. i don’t think we do this as well as we tend to hide in our own internalized mystery.

placing thought to word can salvage the disconnect. no judgments. no ulterior motives. no cursing from within. when one commits to vocalization, two souls can rest beside one another in a single frame. the thought of this ever happening in reality allows the knot to cease repetitive cycles toward disdain. i am hopeful. call me senseless, but i think it is plausible.

energy levels drop beats as a mind swerves on a midnight road. this chapter never seems to have an end…

p.l.h,

a

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