here's an occasional marker placed when i witness a soulful interaction. this allows me to come back to that moment at any point. reflection is optional. these soulful intonations vary in intensity. the one i reflect on today is probably a 6.53.
a man sits next to me. we consider ourselves to be good friends. perhaps not the ones who feed each other secrets rather the kind to flash a palm hello. tonight, he is compelled to tell me something that not many people know. a night where i have already dealt with many side conversations concerning a multitude of guests. a time when my head is in an awful amount of pain. a moment where a group of young college kids chatter aloud across from us. so, he sits me down by dusting off the sidewalk debris. how could i resist the formal gesture?
his ex-wife is a cunt. that pretty much sums up the 45min conversation.
i brief the experience only because a) he had a very thick hispanic accent and b) i actually would like to average four hours of sleep tonight. we smile at the end of his last sigh and stare out into the street. the stars beat the moon. she is nowhere to be found. perhaps she knew this conversation was going to happen. luna checked out apparently and left me with this old man. i value the hint. silence is broken. women are crazy he says.
we now begin the deconstruction process.
women are crazy. humans are crazy. people are crazy to fall in love with people. this love shit is spoon fed to us from an early age. we are born with this awful premonition that life will be beautiful if and only if we find our soul mate. almost immediately we set ourselves up for disaster as the expectation is a contradiction in itself.
soul mate. the term has been misconstrued for centuries. if our civilization relies on this connection of the soul, then why are there so many divorces, breakups, and other miscellaneous emotional casualties? i argue it is because we are not seeking a soul mate, we are seeking a lover; someone to be present physically. now, i make such a claim with much hesitation because i, myself, have contorted the term as well. i have been lost in this 'love' and quite frankly, thought it was the tell all for humans to coexist with another romantically. however, my experiences have led me to believe that love is truly a selfish emotion. there is no 'self' when love enters the human frame. the dependence is the main component and one cannot possibly sustain autonomy within it.
we need this person. we want their touch. we hate them when they leave us. you see, you begin to recognize a trend here. it's all about you and what you deserve in this dynamic. you rely on this person to complete you and hold it against them when they fail to rise to the occasion.
if one seeks a soul mate, then they would be able to stand alone with or without that person. the soul is an incredible force within us. it has no biases. millions sweep through it annually. whether it be via entertainment, health, or even in a personal accord... many vices affect us differently. the point is we must refocus our energy into our souls. strengthen the tool. give to people without expectations. offer ourselves without that selfish love. this, my friend, is the definition of a soul mate. when we can do this, we are able to achieve a conscious level that far surpasses love. if we so happen to find someone who is able to relate with us on this level, there is that soul mate.
now i have issues with the pronoun mainly because it relates to a single source. i find that there are many people/entities who can affect one's soul. our souls mate with each other every day. exchange comfortable dialogue and onto the next. a polyamorous soul seeker is more of a reasonable thought than the contrary. if that person/entity leaves tomorrow, you are able to appreciate the time spent and move forward because you do not rely on them to satisfy any of the related desires. why? because your soul is indestructible. the heart, on the other hand, is a weak sack of garbage.
this man mated with my soul tonight. he gave me insight from his personal perspective. i filtered through the convictions. judgements were nonexistent. more importantly, i had no expectations.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2AOjb9HW2E
this video exemplifies my point. many equate the visual to love, falling in love, fucking to love. when i think of souls mating, i see this. it takes a soul seeker to see through the tongue-induced acrobatic display. our souls are able to reach a pleasure point and walk away. energies are so magnetic. word.
my eyes fail to lift. gravity flirts with exhaustion and just may have won this battle. i leave you tonight and may we meet again soon.
p.l.h,
a
© A.Abeynayake and moldypilow, 2011-2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to moldypillow and/or A.Abeynayake and moldypillow with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.