a grammatical nightmare
i met someone. by means that i approach this installment is entirely sprouting from a platonic and strictly observational sense. i have no intention of magnifying these visual cues into a mass portrait for a hope to redirect how fate works. i am respectful and hold a reverence in their embodiment of existence. therefore, i come from a third party upon my discovery of this human being.
soft. sublte. their eyes express a world of mystery. narrowing the focus solely on their pupils brings an element that i cannot quite place my understanding. i have decontextualized and analyzed why i am not able to bring my neurons forward and comprehend this being pressed on the basis of their eyes.
perhaps it is because i have trained myself not to look into people's eyes and have been stuck in this perspective for years. it seems to me that eye expressions are the most overrated and cliché versions of how people connect. so now, i am attempting to birth this action. why? you may ask... well, this is the question at stake...
so, i split this notion vertically and perform a caesarian section in full front of a desire to understand. it grows difficult when you have few resources to develop seeing that this entire process of eye gazing is a novel trait recently adopted into your life. surely it is confusing. someone told me that people's eyes never lie; you can tell everything about someone in their eyes. i thought this was bullshit and to some degree, still feel the same.
people are intricate models that cannot avoid even the minor sorts of deception. above all, it is human nature. we all lie, however, to what degree is up to the individual. i feel as if it is in the soul that one can fully encompass a person's sincere dialect.
for years, i have utilized time and space routine to enter a soul. i am discovering now in order to approach the soul, one must first enter the eyes... apparently, as i find myself struggling with this.
this person, i feel them watching me in my peripheral. are they onto my frequencies? can they feel my mind racing? their eye contact is superb. every time they address my existence, i feel their eyes scanning my entire mindful idiosyncrasies. even when speech is deafened, the gaze is louder than words. i do not know what the fuck to do; a control freak concerning my own actions and decisions, i dislike the fact that i cannot retain a sense of calm in this person's presence. i remain silent though i can hear and most importantly, feel their thoughts.
butterflies and chills are nonexistent. again, the emotion is not geared toward an attraction than it is toward an intrigue aspect of how can one person cause such a technical malfunction resorting to a chaotic fusion in my head? it is in the eyebrows that causes the most aloof sensation in my bones. they kink and coil their gaze in alignment with the brow. certainly this is not the exact anatomical eye gaze itself, but it does relate to the overall assessment.
at times, i feel as is they know exactly what they are doing. could this be deceiving in its own right? am i simply rambling on a subject that i have already pulled apart and further understood to being someone who can fuck your head and smile about it in the end? i reserve the benefit of doubt. i dislike imposing judgments; it's not fair to me or this person.
i am humble and will continue my trials with this embryonic eye gazing exercise in private. my subject i intend on practicing with will inherently be this person for i have no back story on this one.
those i hold to a higher level, i already feel their souls and accept their pure natures. time and space worked in my benefit for these people. this individual, on the other hand, is a large question mark followed by an ellipses. a grammatical nightmare they are though i enjoy the journey toward this unique example representing an exception to everything i thought worked before.
the search follows. happy 2k18.
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