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there is a level of sophistication. i realized that i had this draft saved for no particular reason. i read it through twice. well, i suppose tonight warrants an endless rant with really no solid conclusion. cheers.

i am a vehicle for transition.

energy is translucent. it is not solid. without any physical material. in essence, it does not have an identity. i believe that my energy is a vehicle for spiritual development, not just for me, but for many that offer invitation. we can exchange this experience without words and much labor. we are not entering nor are we exiting. we are present in this movement. i find this particular experience to be rather captivating and beautiful. rare.

the foods entering my humanistic chamber lately serve as a major catalyst to my overall outlook. green items release natural interactions with myself. and the real world is well, in limbo. conversations i engage in never seem to have a conclusion. the energy is cock-blocking this. i start strong and then after a few minutes, i feel them. this creates such an awkward exit. things are left unsaid at that point. later in the day, i find myself thinking about what had happened. marinate my thoughts. attempt to purify hypothetical situations. and alas, i realize i cannot venture back in time to change anything. what's done is done. the most important feature to note is that i need to insulate these thoughts. store them into an airtight container within my mind and deal with them later. it's overwhelming to complete all at once. hence why i feel like i am losing control of my delivery.

my heart is in an incredible amount of sadness. death anniversaries decided to visit this month. some friends, colleagues, ex-customers crossed over years ago. i remember not being prepared for it in the slightest degree. i suppose no one is ever prepared for such a natural phenomenon. life is a crazy thing. you grow and evolve each day. challenges that began as seeds now tower over you like trees in the rainforest. i recognize that as i get older, these challenges become greater. at times, the struggle is painful. you tend to feel defeated after many years that have been devoted to overcoming these obstacles.

something worth mentioning is that these obstacles can be people too. when a human life seals from existence, we are catapulted into another form of grief. it is a test. your growth is the subject; as a matter of fact, it is the constant subject. you are continually tested and paired with pain. it is up to you to pass this test. if you take the stance that you are growing, then grow. when one passes, bring forth ten others into your beam. share your energy and heal both yourself and those around you. after sever calculation, i am at 30. thirty strangers will receive my light. it's a good thing i'm an extroverted introvert.

::smiles:: otherwise this would take a lifetime.



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