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  • moldypillow

groom your toast and discard the corners

Updated: May 26, 2020

candles join me tonight. flame kissed the wick and now we are in a communal space. i opted to silence my phone. train of thought always gets misconstrued when you let others in. and believe me, that train never gives second chances.

my day was filled with tasks that survived me. by this, i mean everything on the to-do list did in fact get done in a timely manner. however, my body feels like a twenty ton african elephant fell off twenty thousand stairs after eating twenty million bananas with an indisputable force and is now on top of twenty billion dead skin cells. it took about four minutes to shake off the shock. twenty-four hours and i am surprisingly still chugging along. i seriously need to find someone to kneed my frame 24-7. note to self: start playing 24 on the lotto. forget about the jackpot, bring me some dungeon fingers.

i hugged someone a few days ago. important to note that it was a platonic hug; two friends joining a moment. it actually felt good to be held. you tend to forget what it feels like when you’re accustomed to a life holding everything up around you. the clouds have been rather astonishing lately. this past week, alone, has created formidable transformations that then camouflage with a distant necessity to move forward. do not allow this moment to keep you from the natural flow of human evolution, my mind reminds me. i fought back this time. nature was cluing me in. i had to savor this moment. for the sake of my evolution, i had to stop and absorb.

unmute. in my absorption process, it was evident to me that the sun picks and chooses where it wants to go. that day, insight was on its mind and just as the clouds parted, it came out. strong. resilient. wonderful ::sighs::

in the past, i have spoken to many people who share a similar observation. those sorts of people aren’t around me anymore. people don’t have time to talk about clouds; hell, i don’t even have time. i do, however, take a moment to appreciate the bountiful signs our earth mother shares. in my mind…we have an illustrious conversation. an internal dialogue. your mind. your thoughts. and the clouds. it’s rather magical. many of them, however, relate it to god or some higher force. well, i can tell you that i didn’t see god or a flying turnip. i saw this person dressed ever so perfectly with the clouds and sun. silhouette marked by a natural cape pressed on their shoulders. could this person be my savior? don’t think so, but i am more inclined to believe that they have a purpose in my journey. the sun came out for a reason. i appreciated that. special people are everywhere my friends, ensure that you stop and absorb from time to time.

the sun then dropped a few shades. snapped back into reality by a timer. break’s over. and my mind, apparently, didn’t miss a beat. fuck. i can never seem to have a legitimate break… it’s been a battle these past months. so many strange and unlikely events have entered my life in lethal doses. i feel as if i am constantly playing catch-up with lessons and/or morals. it’s true. there are no second chances. i look down the hollow railroad cemetery. so many people have attempted this route. that devil in rare locomotion has no heart. at the vacant bench i sit and reflect. if the world is truly shaped in an orbital circle, why aren’t things coming back to me? i experience something and another distant thought makes its presence known. it pulls at my center of gravity and exposes rotting flesh that expired years ago. muscles burn with the arrival of novel concerns. my body is literally filled to the top. this organic container has no room for outside works in fate. my creativity sits stoic, facing recent priorities. it misses those times when i felt young. adventurous. alive. it's truly a defeating gesture. you tend to feel helpless at times. the sun left for the day; it had other lives to touch. mine was just a number… i pull the ticket, 24. back in line. i’ve decided to postpone my happiness until further notice. that is, until i figure out this geometric rendition to a notorious illusion we call life. furthermore, that damn train doesn’t look like it’s coming around for a while. i really want a cigarette. chewing gum is the quintessential approach to oral slavery, which is only adding to my rain cloud. it should be illegal to consume this much sorbitol. i tried to speak with the gas attendant and was clearly in no position to uphold a substantial conversation. my tongue was flopping around like a salamander offspring and my eyes were fixed on the wide selection of cigarettes behind him. he smoked, i could smell it on him. he snapped and waved his hands in front of me and asked me to beg his pardon. i smiled, picked up my 4 packs of gum and left. i left my craving there until now.

i told myself that i'd need to quit by 30. that was twelve years ago. though 30 still lingers for a couple of months, i figured i’d get a head start on cutting down. make the final vows easier. we’ll see how it goes. or so i thought. this kid asked me why i smoked. i looked up at him. apparently his voice met me before the frame. he looked like jesus and waldo adopted a child who they wanted to look more jesus. i had no answer for him. just a smile.

signatures. they are the topic of my work week. what do people think when they sign their name? is it empowering? liberating? annoying? i'd like to think it’s the latter. we do our best to perfect such a trivial part of life. this electronic device will accept a damn happy face, asterisk, hell even hypen + three periods. listen person currently squatting in a shit release position with tongue curved over top lip and head cocked to a side attempting to get the best curve on the C to Caplin. you don’t matter. your information has already been processed and funds have extinguished within your account. therefore, your die hard signature has no place in this transaction. want to feel awesome? go ahead and assist your cashier in bagging your groceries. that will bring you more good karma than finger fucking the screen to accept your existence in this world. good riddance. the office isn’t much different. we'll save that for another post ::smiles:: i found three paperclips under my sheets the other night. perhaps this is why i lack any normal sleep pattern. wikipedia calls it sleep working. currently, there are no facilities to help people with this condition. i remain hopeful. if anything, the tooth fairy and mr. claus might have some pointers for me. the moon is here now. at least i have someone checking in on me at this hour. i hope it does the same for you internet. goodnight.



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