• moldypillow

more cake, they shouted.

Updated: May 26, 2020


where to begin? i present you an analytical cocktail with a squeeze of soul. garners tempestuous hurricanes inside a cage of brittle bones. my house is clean. incense lit. body tired. mind reborn.

merriam defines the word in four main iterations.

hero noun (1)

he·​ro | \ ˈhir-(ˌ)ō

a : a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability

b : an illustrious warrior

c : a person admired for achievements and noble qualities

d : one who shows great courage

a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability. divine descent immediately surfaces. world of epigenetics gently nestles us into this notion. naturally, there is an entire scientific rendition to entertain. i opt to not go there tonight. instead, i rely on the understanding that gene expression is directly contingent on one's experiences and said experiences in one's environment. in sum, outside-in rather than the contra.

our ancestors went through tumultuous experiences. you may think your life sucks, but it's not about you is it? ancestors. we weren't there. it would ignorant to assume they had it easy. we are sure that their environment did not come with a manual, page 4, third paragraph. therefore, they needed to write their version of history. trial and error. they had to figure out how to camouflage into any environment (we'll dive into this particular concept in another post). unbeknownst to them, they were going to pass along some of those genes.

sure, you are shrugging your shoulders as this is a common chapter in human genetics. allow me to clarify as i am not referring to genes as in eye/hair color being passed from ancestor to progeny. i am talking about a phenomenon that is much, much deeper. in so far as mendel, himself, pulling back. adjusting his bifocals. and taking a deep breath in.

epigenetics. epigenetics denotes that one's genes are reflective of the surrounding(s) they inhabit. forget the esthetics, focus on how fucked up this sounds. surroundings change. big bang. natural disasters. global warming. etc., all oscillating from one end to the other. a gene pool bound to suffer from motion sickness. whatever gene experience your ancestor developed and/or acquired during the cretaceous period may not be conducive to your 21st century lifestyle. making sense? and with that, the cycle continues. genes to genes to new experiences, new reactions to those experiences, and so on. you know this and you do nothing to fix it.

where's the issue? so, you are here. living in this life. without any reference now as your eyes have been closed for centuries. you paddle along the aftermath of that hurricane. existence genetically modified without censorship. you think you are making decisions of your own. you are not. you believe that you love the way vegan marshmallows rest on our tongue in the middle of july. you do not. your current experiences in this present life are not solely your own. it is a mutation created from a heated cauldron rusted from over usage; all because our ancestors did not clean that shit out before buying a way ticket to infinite mystery. they got their last bite. left us with little to no leftovers. to add, past lives proliferates ancestral issues. again, far too much to squeeze in a single blog post. i will leave that for next time.

epigenetics. if we can recognize this, then we can begin our story with an ideal scene.


set built. markers placed. hard fill. soft hair light. and an unforgiving key light. a nimble trio promoting exponential shadows. things are out of your control. the moment you surrender your control to not having control, then you are instantaneously thrown into a children's storybook. a mythological creature. one that does not exist in this "earth plane" unless of course, by virtue of fictional foreplay. your environments are unearthly as you are not reacting to what is in front of you. others have done it, why do you insist on going against the tide?

heroes say it's because it has not served us. quiet clear to us this formula isn't working. though our evolvement as a species is at its highest thus far (i.e. technological advancements, explorations into distant lands— both here and up there, etc.), society is incredibly far from achieving a heroic trajectory. i blame no one, but you, yourself, and your limiting beliefs. you are at fault. you purposefully snapped that paddle in half. surrendered to the wrong environment aka society's interpretation of the quantum space. big pill to swallow isn't it? well, you have been on your knees this entire time. submissive to challenge what's in front of you. it shouldn't be too difficult to swallow this one.

why does society do this to us? when a concept does not make sense or fits into microwavable tupperware, society closes the lid. airtight. no pests allowed here. a person's weightless fluidity may seep into your meal. spoil your microwave dinner. a dinner that is pre-made or should i say ancestor-made. sits in a freezer until it's time for you to settle. it's convenient. making a batch from scratch requires too many resources. it is here where our collective species halts the mindful process in curiosity. it's been this way for years. eat this recipe and tweak nothing. i cannot help but connect this metaphor to yet another anecdote.

last evening. i enjoyed a dinner within an internal space filled with curiosity. disclaimer, yes the dish was man-made. prior to ingesting, i cleansed the negative energy and inserted my noble frequencies. something i do on a daily basis unless the dish comes from a heroic kitchen. heroes cleanse before entering. back to the restaurant.

my eyes wandered to patio patrons. all… all were responding to their environment. whether it was a flashy car or expensive bottle of wine, every person looked like a recycled bail deteriorating behind the grocery store. enthralled with random man-made products. they fed their dates/friends more of that recycled material bullshit and vis versa. truly a magnificent sight to see. mechanical to say the least.


then, a cockroach ventured up the wall. everyone wailed as this creature mystically stumbled to find its place. some tried to kill it. others ran from it. in any measure, it was a pest. it was me. i learned that evening that when you make yourself known, you risk your livelihood if you are not what people are used to. that cockroach could have stayed in between the cracks. it was hungry. hungry for a different recipe. was this insect a hero? i believe it was rather heroic to take a leap of faith. an abysmal experience that cockroach had to endure, it didn't work with the outsiders this time. however, i saw you. i sensed your intention. may peace be with you.

enough anecdotes, let's get back to the point of this post. apologies. i've had six americanos in the span of 5 hours. read through half a rob mckuen's in someone's shadow. and took an antihistamine after suffering an allergic reaction to my furry friend. a ratio only concocted for a ninja warrior. and i assure you i am no ninja. yet.

how to escape this vicious cycle? we reverse the process; dig so deep that even the alpha channel is exposed. you see, we are the current mutation; we are imperfect in every angle. that is the beauty. the dated genes slowly dissipate and more functional ones appear. bear in mind, however, you will need to withhold the bad "genes" upon your death. you were accountable for them, i beg you that you do not pass this onto the next kin. that's where our ancestors went wrong. regardless of the measure, to be heroic would equate to doing what's opposite of the modern world.

is divine descent referring to the acceptance that you are an amazing byproduct of your ancestors? or by rejecting that belief and adopting divine descent as being a string of genetic malfunctions where your responsibility is to channel through it with great strength or ability. will that make you a hero? accept the antithesis. recognition of imperfection. commitment to re-innovate a sense of purpose from tweaking the ancestral gene road-map. take the light from within and disperse it to your current environment. understand that this elucidation will keep you outside society's walls. revel in that. no pill here, just dissolvable heroic powder.

an illustrious warrior/a person admired for achievements and noble qualities. illustrious as in a memorable individual. what if it bears no weight to be memorable? what if the goal was to not have an identity? the fruits of our progressions are the only legendary proof of purchase when we leave this body. no name. no patent. it belongs to the world. isn't that why heroes do what they do? work in the benefit of humanity and not themselves? humility in stepping back is a tandem to the evolvement of our species. it takes two joint forces to make this vehicle work. the ancestor and you. sit at an internal diner every week. cowboy coffee. overcooked hash browns. discuss what action you must take to reverse either strength or weaken their systemic value over your existence. put that shit on the calendar. make it a priority.

one who shows great courage. ahhhh finally, we settle on a definition that works. i add to this in that it's not just showing great courage, but also feeling/sensing/anticipating courage in all forms. it takes work to build. no toolbox. just your hands. and this is where other heroes come in. they help one another rise to the occasion. open senses you never knew existed. a courageous quest together. it's no shock that they are hidden in this last definition. not many people get past the ancestral, humble humility stage.

they are worthy of your space. they come to you complete. a few patches here and there. more complete than the rest of society. they value the journey because they, too, have endured what mr. cockroach did. shame. judgement. disgust. heroes transcend your curious desires and mode of thinking. they challenge you. their growth works off your growth. avoid any precarious efforts in destructing you as it directly affects them. your heart is theirs, soul vibrates in two bodies, and minds are of value. the exchange is reciprocal. heroes invest time and energy to those who come with certifications. this is not an entry-level position. experience is required.

when you come on top, they applaud your commitment at eye level. the rest of society a) puts you in a children's book, b) creates a circus show of your efforts for all to see, and c) comes after you because you did the extraordinary. now they come after you. now they want you. now they can't get enough of you. fucking ridiculous. they added nothing to your growth, just reassured how different you are from them and now they want to reap the benefits. i find this astonishing. shame on them.

i say to my hero comrades, let's put them in our version of a children's tale. my calls echo into a limitless terrain. heroes are hard to find. this dense forest has taken many lives. i wait patiently.

two songs have been entering my space lately. same title, different artists. it, along with other soulful factors, led me to publish this post. if time serves you, give it a listen. also draws reference to love. romantic love and the intersection of sexuality, which again, is a loaded concept we shall save for another post.

https://soundcloud.com/bamiyah/hero

https://soundcloud.com/safena-adham/sevdaliza-hero

my eyes increase in aperture. sign to disconnect. thanks for listening.

p.l.h,

a

© A.Abeynayake and moldypilow, 2011-2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to moldypillow and/or A.Abeynayake and moldypillow with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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