people can be merely an imitation of the original. offering an array of pretenses in order to legitimize their standing in one's life. but i wasn't standing. i was seated. three rows back. rapt by their performance. perhaps that's why i stay. perhaps i long to witness their hidden potential pummel through a fourth wall. perhaps now in my adulthood, the only movement breaking through this fourth wall is the understanding that this is and has always been my downfall.
allow me to exhibit an explanation in minced formation.
i tease out these not so knots rooted in textbooks written by antiquated belief systems. i grow exhausted. like a carousel, i circle endless thoughts, lessons and revelations. wounds littered throughout my body. surely, i am the only one to recompense myself for such a catastrophe. one by one addressing the dressings as they undoubtedly lose adhesion. nothing ever sticks forever. it's only a matter of time until everything comes undone.
why do we rush to fill the hole rather than give it time to fully heal? the heart knows this all too well. it is the mind that just may be able to pervade all the heart's erroneous undertakings. or so i have implored during two full moons.
a reduction of material circumstances have led me unto this path in self-discovery. fitfully celibate and parsimoniously selective for future-bound interpersonal efforts. i read somewhere that "those who are most deeply asleep feel the most unsafe."
and those who are unsafe seek asylum. they tend to be subjectively determined to make a home out of any stable foundation. forcing mnemonic devices into conversations just so that they can remember how to encode their algorithm. society bridges this notion into a theoretical lifestyle that of which warrants the necessity to create community.
they need to feel like they belong. there is power in numbers after all. whatever happened to autonomy? are we all sheep afraid to eat and shit without thy neighbor keeping us warm at night? death of so much potential as we make bedfellows from codependency.
over time disingenuous imitations dilute into a glass half empty. indelible perceptions reveal shortcuts revealed via continuity. this, my friends, is where we must stop and put a little boogie in it. if a version of something distasteful keeps occurring in your life, what are you going to do about it?
to stand alone in our own belief systems, are we being called to do that or are we doing it on our own accord? does it then become a spiritual practice? do we treat it to be so?
ponderings continue. water humble roots knowing there is more work to do.
p.l.h,
a
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