insanity ameliorates when one repeats the same thing over and over again expecting the same result. lately, this idea of strength and what it means to me today presses on. in the past, my "strength" was manic. all forms of life tumbled forward as invectives regardless how they appeared (i.e. relationships, career opportunities, friendships). constant state of defensiveness. it's no surprise my body was littered with knots. the world was going to eat me up, so i had to be ready.
through years of introspection, i came upon a few revelations. it wasn't really strength as it was fear veiled with a bitter candy coat. sugar, corn syrup, and partially hydrogenated soybean oil. suck long enough and eventually you'll get to the core.
the reality was that no one was out to get me. i was in the way of me. i've never been so humiliated in my life. this humility brought me so far inward. at peace. calm. reminded myself that one isn't going to be strong in every aspect in life. naturally, some areas are going to be more poignant than others. recognizing this is a strength in itself.
humility. it's where you receive the truest version of a person. i took an oath. i shall operate from here from this day forward.
problem is many people misconstrue your process of being inconsequential. perhaps they, themselves, have yet to go inward and connect with their truest form. i say this because the nature of how they accost. many come with a hard set presuppositions in need of validation. stare deep into a pair of eyes. alas, you are met with indelicate eyes. rather disheartening. broken heart searching for meaning in all this.
those who welcome humility are able to look beyond themselves, not desiring to consume anyone's limits. that's imperative; they understand the mere sensation of humility therefore they do not desire to impose that onto anyone. in addition to, said people certainly do not judge anyone's process either.
rash remarks. litany of judgements. mutilations upon mutilations. inherently depreciating one morsel at a time. you remain patient. even that is taken for granted. i suppose if you're looking for something, it will never appear. expectations are seldom noteworthy.
we are all different human beings, but we share a universal consciousness. is this what the ancients meant when they said surround yourself with likeminded people? those who register at a different frequency will change yours. not for the better either. typically constructive when those resonate at a similar frequency. problematic when everyone thinks they've already done the work.
there is no work; it's a process. a process that hopefully lead to progress. progress that will forever be a process. humility teaches us that.
heavy heart. heavy mind. ponderings at this hour? this shall pass.
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