top of page
  • moldypillow

walking down the altar with fear clenched near; sifting through the reframe

Updated: Mar 5, 2022

currency of ideals can move the world. any monetary disposition tends to lead humanity down a perilous path. we witness people bend and contort their true purpose just to feed this undying need to be seen. unfortunate and equally as relatable; i used to be one of them.

allow me to reorient the spectacle. nearly three decades ago, a narcissistic sperm coupled with an egg who wanted nothing more than to be seen and appreciated. unbeknownst to both parties, a cycle of unhealed generational trauma also made its way into the formula. said creation was supposed to worship that sperm and protect that egg. and money was going to prove their intentions worked. more so on the sperm’s behalf.

society underscores general intelligence. its system is designed in this reticulated network so that one thinks progress is being made. circles intertwine with others, molding a chain up the social ladder. suppose it looks like DNA structures because, well… it is in our DNA. society is filled with trillions of said sperm/egg analogies; residual ribbon of hallmark ads highlighting heteronormativity for the sake of family-valued euphemisms. that shit fucks a lot of things up for all of us, regardless of your sex, gender orientation, etc.

takeaway is that living up to lofty expectations inevitably leads to subjective betrayal. radical efforts to disengage spewed flames from a cauldron can leave anyone with scars. naïve to think it was all going to be relatively easy.

prosthetic to what seemed like an autonomous sense of self, i was yet another pawn in society. until i closed my eyes. here, in the darkness, i could paint the reality i wanted to see. i could sense the emotions i wanted to feel. without betrayal or guilt in immolating generational imperiousness.

knots unlocked creaky shoulders. fullness of breath expounded. hidden dimples emerged.

bank account may still be the same. fascinating how bank robbers are constantly on the run. robbing people of agency just so they can undergo an egoic headrush. when you do not have their form of currency, you are worthless.

power of changing the world requires hard work and sacrifice of many generations. by evolutionary capacity, we must investigate our own personal journey rooted in expansion. you, yourself, have grown and outgrown iterations of what you know to be as your existence. you’ve even sabotaged various versions of yourself for the betterment of someone else's needs. customized conjectures ruin the potentiality of your own free will.

they’ve robbed you, and you have murdered your sense of being. the evolution of yourself will open a greater capacity for change. those unfit to consider this very act in reclaiming your truths (as it is valued much like a "raise") may never understand. i remain emotionally rich, conflated and uncontainable.

it was also here when i decided to devote my life’s journey in deconstructing the empirical nature of toxic elements within tradition. i offer my resignation. just may never receive the affirmation from society and/or family. and that’s okay; that’s not the currency anymore. life actually looks and feels a whole hell of a lot better.

lab rats think they are making progress. are you making progress?



© A.Abeynayake and moldypilow, 2011-2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to moldypillow and/or A.Abeynayake and moldypillow with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


bottom of page