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nagasaki in the night time

Updated: May 28, 2020

few nights ago i had a vision enter my meditation. a rocket ship. beach shore. clouds. paint. lots of it. surrounding me were my tribe; by that i mean myself displayed in varying ages. every one of us has a job in building this spacecraft. i asked my toddler version why she was painting those fine lines on the shell… by the time we get up into space, no one is going to notice all that. she responded, "i'm not doing it for people… i'm doing it for me."


there it was. cliff notes version of my life since the last post. and i needed to hear that.

admittedly i was slipping back into my perversely pilloried routines. staring at an 17in monitor until sun rose behind a rusted screen door. stressing about an unknown future. dwelling on a torched past. never been one to perfect the etsy DIY market, but i'm really good at manufacturing a personified nemesis. whole process is rather futile. quizzically foolish. suppose then my obsession over rotten tomato percentages centralize around my addiction to self-critique. i can do better. i am better. negligently criminal. wanted to turn myself in.

worked so hard on making a living that i forgot to live.

bird nest. an essential safeguard in our aves kingdom and a striking symbol i find integral for every human to comprehend.

nests have been an obsession of mine since i was able to stick quarters in my mouth til the moment when i figured that was probably bad idea. important to mention my obsession over vending machines is a close second. 32 years young, still about those sticky hands. until of course they disappear on a popcorn ceiling. goodbye security deposit.

constructing a nest may become a ponderous undertaking. nests require twigs, amber, grass, leaves, as well as other creative shit our biohazardous world clogs into our innocent wildlife. do your part. please recycle. thanksforplayingloveabbey. three decades of watching natgeo will convince you that birds also build their nests with fluff. sure the scientific term is "down," but i opt to take the 142 to 90 IQ for this description. twigs and fluff.

days churn into months. months into years. there comes a point when you just want to steve austin suck it. embark on an aerial plight. witness the world from above. bleak to abundant. this aerial block party could last a while depending on the person. say a few weeks. weatherman recommends to stay indoors, storm is coming. you, again channeling your wrestlemania faux pa, elect to disregard it. preemptive layover is extended. not by choice. by necessity.

come back to your nest and that shit is busted as hell. some say it's because the storm. i argue the nest just didn't have the right materials to sustain the storm.

let's go back to the natgeo primetime slot. substitute birds with people. all people working on this nest bring materials. as a solo titan, you're responsible for building that nest to its excellence. you'll have visitors. i categorize these people into two groups. twig people and fluff people. twig people may not be society's account of beauty, but know what it takes to build a strong nest. their attraction lies in what they can build with these twigs. fluff people are cute, sexy, fun, etc. quintessential account of societal hotness. i know lots of fluff people. fab five decorate their nests with nothing but fluff, satin fluff, and taffet fluff. if/when a storm arrives, the aftermath of that fluff nest looks like one big hairball. yeah, not cute. on the contrary, i've met people who are both. rare. typically though, most people stand on one side of the fence or the other.

a dear friend of mine once advised me that fluff people are nice once in a while. people need softness for those intimate occasions. perhaps even a good one night stand on other occasions. even a distraction from time to time. unequivocally, i couldn't agree more; it's balance after all. the issue surfaces when you're too much of anything, right? word.

with regards to life partners (platonic or romantic), you'd want someone to ensure their nest is in tip top shape. in the event you visit, their nest can hold you. your weight. everything that makes youyou. deplore judgement. they will show you via actions. upon your exit, if they hand you twigs to take home, they're keepers. solid lifelong partners. keepers of thy twigs ::smiles:: takes someone stronger to make someone stronger. alarming amount of antiquity in meeting such dexterous people these days. strength not measured in physique rather in mind, heart, and soul.

gemini ascendant leads me toward yearning to understand the complexities of this fauna filled universe. all in the privacy in my anonymous delivery. aquarius moon longs to provide substantial materials to those in my path. virgo warns that we all need to pick and choose who and what prior to committing to any interpersonal dynamic. she does ground me and i love her for it. refrain from rushing to a solution, someone's discovery of that answer will present itself via on how they show up. meet people where they meet you.

there will be tacit gems where you exchange nest-building tips. share roadmaps. press fingertips to splintered fingertips and alas… permeate energies. something increasingly intoxicating when you feel your own substance in another. almost unleashes the butterflies in my stomach. too soon. larvae need to grub.

i patiently await.



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